361 Days

Does time ever seem unreal? It seems impossible that it's been almost a year since my dad passed away. It literally seems like yesterday that we were all hanging out at the house with Jake who'd just gotten home from serving an LDS mission in Mexico. I remember every feeling. I remember every smile. I remember every hug. It doesn't seem possible that all of those memories could still be so vivid after so much time passing.

But time has passed. So much has changed in a year. Luci was born. I'm almost done with my eighth year of teaching. Eli's been with OS and received countless promotions. He's started 3 more companies. We moved in with my mom. My mom's done another year as a tracker at the high school and went back to the gym to teach gymnastics. We've been on vacations and countless dates. Life goes on.

Life goes on. I think that's the key. People always ask how we're doing. People always ask how we deal. In all reality, we deal because we have to. Because life goes on. It doesn't mean that we don't think about Dad. I think about him every single day. I always think about what he would say when I'm doing something. I remember his smile when something funny happens. I talk to him and tell him everything that's going on.  Most of all though, I think about how disappointed he would be if we didn't deal.

I also know the knowledge that I possess, that death is not the end, keeps me going. A few months ago, I woke up crying. Eli rolled over in bed and asked what was wrong. I told him nothing was wrong. I felt relief and knew that everything would be okay because my dad told me it would be. I had a dream. I was walking in some store, turned a corner, and nearly ran into my dad. I was so taken aback. He looked amazing. He was happy.. I had a hard time speaking, but I remember asking him what he was doing there. He told me, "I just wanted you to know that everything is going to be okay." That was it. He smiled and I woke up.

So for now, I will keep in mind that Daddy told me everything will be okay. I'll keep telling Luci stories about Grandpa Budge. I'll keep teaching. Eli will keep working. We'll keep smiling and having fun. And another year will pass.

WAC Tournament

Eli and I decided that we needed to get away for a bit. As much as we LOVE Luci, we needed time alone. We needed time to do grown-up things and be husband and wife, not mom and dad. So when my brother-in-law suggested the WAC tournament in Las Vegas for four days, we decided to go. I took a couple of days off from school and Eli took time off from OS and we went.

For those of you who don’t know, the WAC tournament is a basketball tournament for West schools. We watched 10 games in 3 days. That’s a lot of games. I went to a lot of games in college and have been to my fair share of Jazz games, but never have I experienced 10 games in 3 days. I thought my sister-in-law and I would have some time to do a little shopping. We did – for an hour and a half.

Needless to say, it was pretty fun. I haven’t stayed up so late in such a long time. I’m still trying to catch up on sleep from the past two weeks. Utah State lost to LA Tech the first night. That was a bummer. I am a True Blue Cougar, but Eli went to Utah State, so I had to support the Aggies. I also learned that I don’t like NMSU. Their whole school was a bunch of bums – bad sportsmanship and mean, drunken fans. LA Tech women tried picking a fight with Utah’s girls. Don’t like them, but I like their men’s team. I loved Hawaii’s cheer squad. I loved ISU's and Fresno’s mascots. I hate Verizon half-time dance offs.

I missed Luci a lot, but I LOVE Eli. And Luke and Julie aren’t too bad either!

At the USU v LA Tech - We were SUPER tired!

ISU Vandals dance off with the Fresno Bulldog

That was the best part of that game!

View from Trump Tower

We stayed there Wednesday & Thursday and then moved to Element by Westin. I liked Element.

Lucia's Bunny

Eli snuck me Luci's bunny to sleep with because he knew I'd miss her so much. Love him!

USU v LA Tech

Billie Jean at the Bellagio

We did go to the Strip Saturday night, just to kill time.

You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.

This article has been going around lately. Being a teacher, I see this all the time. Some parents really just don't understand how they affect their children. Having the privilege of being a mama now, I hope that I get it. I hope that I can be the best parent for Lucia.

Dan said in his article, "Children are gifts. They are not ours for breaking. They are ours for the making." I could not agree more.

You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.

She Loves Her Mama

Of course Lucia decided to say "Mama" while I was in Vegas. Isn't that the way it usually works?

One Sick Chubba Lubba

Eli and I just got back from Las Vegas yesterday (WAC basketball tournament, another post later). We were so excited to see Lucia, but when we got home she wasn't her usual chipper self. My mom informed us that her cough came back and it was deeper than before. She suggested that we take Luci to the Instacare, just to be sure all was okay with her.

When we got to the Instacare, the nurse hooked her up to a saturation monitor. I guess it checks how much oxygen she's getting. Her level was 87%. Most levels should be in the 90s. They immediately sent us over to the ER where they checked the same stuff. They also took chest x-rays and suctioned out her boogers.

To make a long story short, I am now sitting in the hospital on the pediatrics level while my baby sleeps hooked up to an oxygen machine, an IV drip, and a saturation monitor. She's been diagnosed with RSV which has also lead to pneumonia with hypoxia. The doctors here have been so great with her. They check her vitals, suction her nose, and give her breathing treatments to open her airways.

There is nothing worse than watching your child suffer and not being able to do anything about it. It hurts my heart to watch her have a coughing fit. It is so hard to watch the nurse push a catheter down Luci's nose while she gags. I could barely watch while they stuck an IV in her little pudgy arm. But I am grateful for the power of prayer. I am grateful for worthy priesthood holders who were able to give Luci a blessing of healing. I have no doubt in my mind that it was through prayer and blessings that Lucia was able to have a restful night of sleep without any major coughing fits. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that hears and answers prayers.

One more thing - my baby girl is still adorable, even in a hospital gown.

Fight for Fennie

I know this is a little late, but help is always needed!

The band my dad played in (No Limits) is playing a benefit concert tonight at Noah's. Long story short, Fennie is a single mother who was diagnosed with pancreatic endocrine cancer. She has a lot of bills piling up. She's not able to return to work or school because her immune system is super fragile. Some friends of her's organized this concert to help cover her costs.

If you have a free night or feel like donating, you can find all the information on her blog:

Fight for Fennie

We'll be auctioning off a Budge's Honey basket!

Happy Half Birthday Lucia!

It's still four days until Lucia's 6 month birthday, but I had to share her half birthday pictures today because she's so dang cute!

At 6 months old Luci:

• loves blowing raspberries!
• is super ticklish!
• can put her toes in her mouth!
• mimics pretty well (especially sticking out her tongue and "blowing").
• is finally rolling over!
• can sit up unsupported for short periods of time.
• LOVES eating avocados!
• still loves the cow, but pretty much just loves any stuffed item.
• loves cuddling with her uncles Jake and Josh!
• likes to try and eat cousin Maci's hand!
• still sounds like a sheep (which can be somewhat embarrassing during church)!
• pretends to drink from a cup!
• likes to give open-mouthed kisses!
• smiles anytime she sees a book!
• hates being in the car seat, but likes riding in the car. Go figure.
• is getting pretty good at playing the xylophone on Daddy's phone.
• enjoys watching Baby Einstein videos.
• does not enjoy taking long naps.
• loves music, dancing, her Jenny Jump-up, and bouncing down the stairs!

Happy Half Birthday Little Luci! We love you!